Seed Book

i am immersed of late in spiritual topics. i am having a torrid love affair with God. and this is wonderful. but in order to say what i want to say i will have to split my personality for a sec.  (it will also help with making me look crazy.)

*****

bhaktin melissa: i am so happy to be seeing the truth.

mayic melissa: yes, but now that the jig is up the party isn’t any fun anymore.

bhaktin melissa: but that “party” is empty.

mayic melissa: i know. but i feel a little lonely.

bhaktin melissa: which is why we need to hang out with devotees.

mayic melissa: but i miss james.

bhaktin melissa: you can’t have him and you don’t really want him. he is doing that thing that people do with that new girl. “the old one’s broken, let’s get a new one. “he’s a noncommittal person in a noncommital world, a slave to his senses, etc.

mayic melissa: i know. but i’m still sad.

******

and this is how these things go. i have dreams about one twin killing another one and i realize that part of me is dying. i am killing her. without all the violent connotation but yes, she is dying. i don’t want what i used to want. i don’t think what i used to think. i am no longer in step with the general public. this is the dirt from which the plant will spring. and i feel like i’m in the dirt.

this is how these things go.